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Feeling Guilty for spending some of my

Hello! My name is Tina!

So I guess I’m supposed to tell you guys a bit about myself. I’m a 38 he old mother of 2 beautiful kids. My son, Nicholas, who will be 21 this year. An my youngest whom is my daughter, who will be 18 this year. They grew up WAY to fast. Hell, it seems like just the other day I was changing her diapers, an building lincoln logs with my son. Now they are grown and have jobs of their own. Ok, so a lil bout myself. Mmm 🤔. In 2003 I tragically lost my 2 year old nephew to a house fire. Then my sister passed 17 days later. The doctors threw all kinds of medical mumbo jumbo as to why she didn’t survive, but honestly she died of a broken heart. She knew her first born son died the night of the fire and she knew she wouldn’t make it in life without him. I know for a fact she died of a broken heart. I was diagnosed with PTSD right after because I lived 2 houses dwn on the same block she did. I witnessed everything that happened that night. Let me tell you it was awful. Little did I know what all God had in store for me the following years to come. I was pregnant at the time it happened. With my youngest. After I had her I went on like a 13-15 ye binge of doin all kinds of drugs and poppin every pill you could possibly name. The county jail was a revolving door for me for many years. That is until 2015. That time I went in and didn’t come out again till after 3 1/2 years passed. I broke every promise I ever made to anyone. I let my kids and family down over and over again. That is until this last rip. Took me a long time to learn my lesson in life, but I did. May have been the hardest way possible but that what it took for me to get it in my head that gambling with my life everyday wasn’t worth me losing everyone around me that loved me. I pray I do good things with this site, and with the things I post. I’m not perfect but no means. I’d be lying if I told you I remained sober since my release. I have relapsed. It happens. It’s life. For the past year or so I have been working on writing my testimony. I’m proud to say I have finally finished it just about 2 weeks ago. Ended up being 50 pages long. I didn’t do it for AA, or any rehab either. I did it for me. It was something I felt I just had to get out and onto paper for the world to read to prove that God truly works in mysterious ways. Even when I was incarcerated He was constantly blessing me. I have a loving husband that stuck by my side the entire time. I put him through hell too you guys. He should have left me 100x over, but he didn’t. He stayed. Everyone told him that I’d never change and I’d go back to my old ways. Guess what? I haven’t. Thank God for that. I got tired of living life thinking how I was gonna get my fix for the next day. I feel so much better now that my body is cleansed from all those toxins. Well I’ma end it here. I hope I can reach out to anyone that needs help with depression, anxiety, or anything that you guys want to talk about. Hell I’m sure I’ll be needing advice and help of my very own from one of you valued readers. I still go through it on the daily like everyone else. May God Bless you all and keep everyone SAFE.

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